Clarity
by mysticxf
Summary: Kate and Jack finally clear up some things between them.


Lost belongs to JJ Abrams and all the wonderful people working in Hawaii. I'm just borrowing for fun. Kate and Jack finally clear up some things between them.

Lost – Clarity  
By Mystic  
February 2005

Back home she worried about one thing: her own survival. How things change, she told herself, slipping into the jungle undetected. It was easy, no one cared about her on the island. Charlie didn't dote on her like he did with Claire; John didn't track her fearing she'd get herself attacked; Sawyer didn't care unless she had something he wanted; Sayid has his own problems to deal with – Shannon and Boone – and Michael was too busy with Walt. Sun and Jin were in their own world and Jack, well, Jack knew she was capable.

She'd done a good job convincing him of that.

On the island her worries grew to encompass the large group of people and she hated herself for it. Mostly though, she worried about Jack. She'd promised herself a long time ago that she'd stop feeling, she told herself it was necessary to survive. It's why she got caught, it's why she was on the plane, she let herself care for the stupid farmer with his one arm and his big mortgage. How could she leave him in a burning car to die? Moments like those made her remember she wasn't the cold blooded killer the law seemed to think she was.

She was just a girl who made a mistake and couldn't figure out how to fix it. She was just a scared little girl. Somehow she felt she'd always been. The kid who climbed trees to escape the bullies and family arguments. The one who ran away from home to avoid being scolded for breaking the kitchen cabinets. The girl who punched the first boy who kissed her.

Watching Jack through the jungle's cover, she stepped carefully. He didn't seem to know she trailed him all the time. Someone had to watch out for him. No one else thought it was important anymore. But she worried about him. Kate leaned against a tree when he stopped and removed his shirt, glancing around the jungle. He shoved it into his backpack and went towards the familiar lake, kicking his shoes off at the edge.

As he unzipped his pants, she bit her bottom lip and stepped forward, snapping a twig purposely to get his attention Jack jumped and turned, watching as she emerged from the jungle. He lowered his brow and put his hands at his waist. "You checkin' me out?" He asked her with a grin, his eyebrows still low, almost confused.

Kate huffed a laugh. "Oh, believe me, if I were checking you out, you'd know it."

Jack rolled his neck back, letting the sun shine bright on his face. It would probably rain in a little while. It seemed to rain on every third day, at exactly five in the afternoon. Kate could time it, if her watch were still working. It stopped the day before the flight. She should have taken it as a warning. If she were Claire, she might have.

"Cause it's ok, if you are," Jack added after a moment of silence.

"Your fly's open," Kate responded, pointing and turning away as Jack lost his 'cool' stance and fumbled with his zipper.

Kate went towards the lake. There was a small waterfall at the far end, like the one she'd been at with Sawyer when she found the briefcase, but this one was wider and smelled fresher. Probably nothing dead in the water, she told herself. Smelling the air, she closed her eyes, imagining being back home, her real home, by the pool with her friends. Beth would blast the radio and she'd make sandwiches and bring sodas and they'd gossip about the boys on the base. Before she was married, before she'd killed anyone, before her life was complicated as all hell.

"What are you thinking, right this second?" Jack asked her, his voice much closer than he'd been. She could almost feel his breath on her.

"Being at the pool with my friend."

Jack smiled. "Odd, for you to have such a normal memory. I thought your whole life was one big mess."

Opening her green eyes, she stared at the waterfall, the way she would the ocean, and she gave a sigh. A lot of her life had been, but simple moments stood out. "My best friend's name was Beth."

"You've mentioned her before." Jack remembered.

"We used to hang out while our parents were at work." She looked over at Jack. "I ditched school a lot."

"Figured," he smiled.

"We'd just hang out at home. There was a pool in her yard, her parents though it was a good idea. My parents thought it was stupid, but I liked it." Kate pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in a dark bra and she pulled at the zipper of her pants, pulling them down quickly to reveal a set of purple panties. She could feel Jack stiffen at her side, afraid. Stepping forward, she put her feet into the cold water and smiled. "We used to spend hours just sitting by the pool talking. It was so normal."

"What happened?" Jack finally asked.

Kate dove in. She let the cold in and when her head broke the surface, she let out a shout of… joy? She didn't know what it was, but Jack was still standing on the shoreline watching her. There was a look of confusion on his face that made her smile at him. He always smiled back, it was a charm she had on men.

Standing on the shore, Jack called, "You're avoiding the question."

"You know the answer," Kate shouted back.

Jack unzipped his pants and she smiled, a set of dark briefs. There was something him being a doctor, about knowing that briefs could lower the circulation to the nether regions that made her think he'd be a boxers man. Now she blushed, surprisingly, and ducked her head under the water to cool her cheeks. She heard the splash through the liquid and came back up, not seeing Jack. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked around. Just as she was going to dive back under, he grabbed at her sides and she moved out of his grasp.

His head popped out of the water, drops clinging to the stubble as he smiled at her. "You're ticklish."

Kate nodded quickly, a grin on her face.

"And you avoid my questions every time I ask them." His eyes darkened as he swam closer to her. "What happened?"

Swallowing hard, she rubbed water from her eyes and looked at Jack, not wanting to have this confrontation at that moment. It was a good moment. A simple moment she could remember forever and she didn't want to ruin it. Her moment with Sawyer had been ruined by dead bodies. Hers would Jack would be also.

"I killed a man," she said quietly, her eyes remaining locked on his. She felt her insides turn, felt her face contort and she tried to turn away, but he didn't let her. He put his hands on either side of her bare waist and held her there, watching her. "I killed a man, Jack!" She shouted, feeling her eyes burn, her cheeks spill over with tears.

Jack pulled her close to him, feeling her chest heave against his own as she sobbed. She'd only admitted to it twice out loud. Both times it had been to Jack. Each time it stung. "Kate, it wasn't your fault, was it?"

She shook her head into his chest, trying to conceal her face. But he raised her chin, wanting to look into her eyes. She couldn't bring herself to say anything more. Kate sniffled loudly and he bent his head down quickly, capturing her lips. She was surprised by how soft he was. He held her back gently, keeping her afloat against him as he explored her mouth. Kate felt more tears pour from her eyes as she let herself go. She didn't know what she was letting it, it wasn't fear really. She'd never been afraid of Jack, how could she be.

Kate was afraid of love.

It was why she couldn't dig in, it wasn't digging in that frightened her, it was digging in with him. It was why she couldn't move to the caves, she couldn't move in with him. She couldn't be Eve, couldn't be his Eve. Did she love Jack? There was something between them the moment they met. Kate knew it was the honesty in his eyes, the belief she could help him when she didn't think she could. The consistency of him at her side through even the worst of days – through the days when she lied to him and he called her on it.

She explored him now, her hands spreading flat against his back and pulled him against her, wrapping one leg around his waist. Her eyes pressed shut, she felt herself breathing roughly, trying to stop her eyes from crying. Jack pulled away, feeling his feet drag against the bottom. They'd floated back to shore with the waves of the waterfall. She released him and he took her hand, bringing her out of the water with him as he sat on a large boulder and pulled her back into his lap. Straddling him, Kate let herself laugh for just a moment, remembering what foreplay felt like, how it made her stomach bubble and her privates tickle and her head spin.

Jack smiled, his thumbs wiping tears that still stained her face. "What's wrong?" He asked her gently.

"I could love you," she admitted. She hated that she couldn't just say the words, that she had to make it a possibility, a question, an uncertainty? Kate watched his eyes, the way they smiled up at her as if they understood. Why did he do that to her? Her husband never understood her, her father never understood her – no one in her life had ever looked at her the way Jack did, as if he could read her mind, feel her heart.

He grinned. "You could?" He asked.

Kate nodded, her eyes watering again. She was afraid to love him and he knew it. She half-closed her eyes and took his face in her hands. She was afraid she'd run the way she'd done forever. The way she tried to do when Charlie lay dead in front of her. The only thing that had anchored her to the spot was Jack. She remembered digging her hands into his arm and pulling at him, trying to shout at him through her fear to run with her, to not let her leave alone.

"I do," she whispered. Her lower lip trembled slightly and she laid her head on his shoulder, feeling his arms wrap around her. It was a safety she'd never felt before. He stroked her wet hair and put kisses on the back of her neck and she closed her eyes. Her breathing slowed and when she'd calmed, she raised her head, watching the way his eyes explored hers.

It was the look he always had when he was with her. Such a curiosity about him, wanting to know everything about her, everything she couldn't or wouldn't tell him. She smiled down at him and placed a quick kiss on his lips. Then she stood, finding her jeans and pulling them on before yanking her shirt back over her head. Kate waited while Jack pulled his clothes back on. She leaned against a tree, watching the way his body moved. It was different from a month ago. He was stronger, more confident.

Jack glanced up at her as he tied the shoelaces on his boots. "You checkin' me out?"

Kate nodded, grinning as she wrung out her hair and pulled it into a ponytail.

Standing straight, Jack looked her over, watching the way the pants stick tighter to her wet skin. His eyes lingered on her breasts before finding her eyes and smiling.

"You checkin' me out?" Kate asked, letting loose a laugh.

Jack turned a bright red and nodded. "Yeah."

He pulled on his backpack and she joined him as he re-entered the jungle. Kate knew she didn't have to sneak around anymore, she knew he would welcome her company and even ask it of her. They fell into a casual conversation on the way back to the caves and Kate knew she was going home for good.

Finis


End file.
